I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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