We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Too much gin, very little bucket
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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