A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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