:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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