The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
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Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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