Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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