somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
