i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.