just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
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I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
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He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character