I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do herpes really smell.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life