Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.