I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
