I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.