fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND