And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.