I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ugly people sure do ruin things
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You made out with two different species that night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
