So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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