I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
