ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
