If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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