If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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