woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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