my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
