he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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