He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
