Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
