DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.