I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.