she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?