Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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