i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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