I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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