can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize