it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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