if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
