I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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