the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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