Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.

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  (940): Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost. http://tfl.nu/jz6g
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  (210): View more from Texas

  In America we eat man semen.

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  (210): In America we eat man semen. http://tfl.nu/5eyy
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

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  (513): Oh no, it isn't official until she poops. http://tfl.nu/gc75
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.

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  (617): i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk. http://tfl.nu/yxee
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila

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  (508): Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila http://tfl.nu/42fz
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.

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  (512): You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication. http://tfl.nu/dq9l
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship

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  (516): I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship http://tfl.nu/9ygn
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor

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  (906): he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor http://tfl.nu/agbs
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

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  (215): OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package" http://tfl.nu/jnsz
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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  (443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.

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  (571): we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music. http://tfl.nu/kygq
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.

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  (606): I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises. http://tfl.nu/i8r1
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

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  (248): So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis." http://tfl.nu/nekp
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  (805): View more from California

  we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard

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  (805): we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard http://tfl.nu/fmkh
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.

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  (517): I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT. http://tfl.nu/j08n
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