why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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