UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
