For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
