So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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