Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
