bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.