Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.