I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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