I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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