Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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