in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
