It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize