Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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