You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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