My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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