I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm like, not good at living.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize