He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
