nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i came on her dog
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
