I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.