Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.