i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick