Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
honey bunches of taint.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
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My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience