i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
